


my five year plan is to maybe go out for ice cream this afternoon?

by thecanary



Series: A Softer DeadPoetsSociety [5]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Post-Canon, Sadly, again not written romantically but you can read it how you want, being sad, references to neil a lot, talkign, thats about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 22:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16689700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecanary/pseuds/thecanary
Summary: (Live every day like the ice cream store is closing.)sitting side by side, smoking cigarettes in the park, talking of better days and how to live the days they have without neil





	my five year plan is to maybe go out for ice cream this afternoon?

"He had a future," Todd said emphatically.  
"So did I," Charlie replied with a shrug.

After graduation, the two of them had taken to spending time together, catching up on what had happened over the time when they hadn't been together, when Charlie had been suspended and Todd stuck at Welton. They didn't necessarily get on brilliantly, they had been moths to Neil's light and with him gone both of them were clueless. So they sat at park benches sharing cigarettes into the night, neither of them all that fussed about what they had to go home to.

"You didn't get to graduate?"  
"Nah, no high school is gonna give passing grades to a student who shows up with a few months left of the year."  
"What does that mean?"  
"I can repeat, redo my senior year while the rest of the society are off at college."  
"You're not going to, are you?"  
"I don't see why I would. I'm going to just live every day."  
"Like Neil didn't get to."

Charlie gave a hum of agreement. "I'm gonna do him proud though, write plays with him in mind, do what I want to do not what the world thinks I should do. You should do the same."

“He’s not the only one I have to do right by.” Todd folded his arms in front of his chest, as if the glare that Charlie was giving him could go straight through his skin. “Charlie, I can’t just, abandon what other people want from me, just because you did.”

“Guess you’re right there. Don’t wanna end up like your old pal, whose life is as bad as it gets, because good ol’ Charlie can’t make any good decisions or any of that shit.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”  
“It doesn’t matter what you mean. It’s what you said.”

Todd shook his head. It was thanks to Neil and Mr Keating that he’d become more outgoing, that he was willing to stand up for himself, especially against Charlie, who seemed able to channel every emotion he had into whatever conversation was going on. 

“I’m sorry, Charlie, I just, surely you see how hard this is for me,” he said. “I thought Neil and I were always going to have each other, and now we don’t, and no one even wants to see me anymore. As though, just because I knew Neil for less time than the rest of you, it doesn’t matter that I cared.”

Charlie gave a low hum. “Yeah, that sucks. I don’t, I don’t care how long you knew him for. That’s not the conversation here. Sure, everyone else is free to split off like the dickheads they are, but I don’t want you to look at me and see a failure.”

That was enough to bring a slight smile to Todd’s face. “Charl-,” Todd began, before shaking his head and starting over. “Nuwanda. You are anything but a failure. You’re living life how Neil would want you to. Maybe not what Keating would ask of you, but it’s sure as hell impressive.”

It was Charlie who smiled this time - he hadn’t been called Nuwanda since his expulsion. No one wanted to acknowledge the alter ego that was so instrumental in him getting kicked out of the school that had given him such good chances in life. Not that ‘Nuwanda’ was fully an alter ego, more of a chance for Charlie to express the parts of him that he couldn’t properly be when he was living a life as Charlie Dalton, son trying to make his parents proud, student trying to ace senior year. 

“Nothing’s stopping you,” he said. “Todd, you can live whatever life you want. I know you need to impress your dad, and live up to your brothers reputation and whatever the fuck else you have going on, but you can still live how you want to in the gaps.”  
“So emulate you in my spare time?”  
“Well, don’t get expelled, and avoid arrest, but other than that, why the hell not.”  
“Arrest?” Todd asked, the one word summing up any possible question relating to the topic.  
“You haven’t seen me in half a year, I have a lot going on,” Charlie replied, grin on his face, managing to not answer one of the questions Todd had in mind. “I just, I think of Neil all the time. He lived like he didn’t have any time left. Turns out he didn’t, but there’s no reason why the rest of us can’t follow.”

Todd gave a slow nod, choosing not to continue with the line of questioning he had thought up in his head. They sat together in silence for moments, not looking at each other, but aware of cigarette ash falling to the ground, the presence of someone next to them. Neither would admit it, but when it came down to it, in those moments where they could pretend to be anywhere, they were each pretending that the other was Neil. They didn’t need to admit it, they knew. Todd knew Charlie would sooner his childhood friend there beside him, not the one who survived when his childhood friend didn’t. Charlie knew Neil and Todd had something. He wasn’t fully aware what it was, he wasn’t about to ask, and Neil and Todd had never spoken about it in full, but whatever it was, it was certainly more special than what Charlie had with Todd. 

Neither of their parents cared too much. Charlie had been nearly eighteen when he got expelled, and Todd turned eighteen a bit before graduation; they were adults now, and spending nights away from home was hardly unexpected. Maybe the indifference wouldn’t be there if their parents knew who they were seeing, if their parents knew they were spending the whole night on a park bench, dozing off occasionally, but being there and being awake to see the sun rise through trees full of birds and seeing the city come to life. Life life life. That’s all they saw in the daytime, and it was almost comforting for the night to come, for everything to sleep except for them and the moon and the stars. 

“What do you want to do?” Charlie asked. 

Todd had slept a bit more than Charlie, missing the start of the sunrise. “Coffee?” he offered blearily.  
“Sounds good.”

Charlie wasn’t as optimistic as he seemed, Todd knew that, knew that Charlie was putting on a show of a faked personality, but he couldn’t bring it up, so he just followed along. They stopped at the first diner they found that was opened, ordering coffee and no food, Charlie breathing a sigh of relief when Todd offered to pay for the both of them. 

“I’ll pay next time,” Charlie promised. “Once I’m properly set up and making money, I’ll buy us breakfast sometime. Or dinner, whatever the time of day it is.”  
“It’s okay, really.” It wasn’t that Todd didn’t believe Charlie could get a job, he just didn’t want Charlie to feel indebted to him, ever.  
Charlie nodded, bringing the mug of coffee to his lips and taking a sip. Todd didn’t need to know how badly the job search was going for someone who only just graduated high school. 

“Any plans?” Charlie asked.  
“For?”  
“The future.” He gestured vaguely, earning a small smile and poorly concealed laugh from Todd.  
“Hang out with you?”  
Charlie smiled and nodded. “Sounds good to me. Want to get ice cream after this?”  
“For sure! Why don’t I have that as my plan for the future. Just, get some ice cream, have a laugh. Live like Neil would want us to.”  
“I’ll drink to that,” Charlie replied, raising his mug. “Live like Neil would want us to.”

They tapped their mugs together like they were toasting with champagne at a dinner party, not drinking cheap coffee at a diner in the early hours of the morning, and they didn’t care.


End file.
